Something that I’ve struggled a lot with since returning to work is the use of my time. When I look back at my life before having my daughter, I want to shake my old self for not taking advantage of all those precious hours of times in the evenings and on the weekends. Where I could have accomplished more than I did. But instead, I passed the time getting by. It’s not to say that all of my time must have a purpose and that productivity is the goal of every moment, but I want to spend my time now reflecting on whether I am using my time wisely and whether I could improve my productivity (whether in efficiency or in quality or both).
I find that as I grow older, I operate better with goals and deadlines. I wasn’t so great at that in university, but in my working life, I have to be very organized. I have to plan out my schedule, know when and where to delegate, keep track of equipment that’s coming and going, manage my waitlist and also know what paperwork can wait or meetings need to be organized or a mountain of other things that are  demanding my attention at every moment.
I feel flighty a lot. Flitting from this task to that task. Making a phone call and then the phone call reminding me to do something entirely different, which takes me in another direction, and then somebody stops by my office and then WOW the morning has gone by. I have accomplished a lot of little things that need to get done but nothing big has been crossed off my list. But I need those big items to be crossed off to feel motivated to continue instead of feeling useless.
I am trying my best now to rely on lists. To work on one task at a time. Which is so difficult these days with the constant bombardment of emails and phone calls and Twitter and Facebook. My phone is pinging my screen is dinging and so many things demand my attention. But I’m trying to simplify now. Maybe I need to try and keep some windows closed only when I need them. I don’t need to see those notifications pop up constantly, calling my name.
I need to go back to the basics.
Pudding and Cake 