Friendships Take Work: Trip to the Finger Lakes

Last weekend, we packed up our bags Friday night and headed on a road trip – myself and Petar with two other friends. Our destination? Spencerport, NY and eventually the Finger Lakes. We were on the way to see our good friend from grad school, who came to Toronto to complete her degree and moved back home once she graduated. Our car ride there was a whirlwind of too much chocolate and candy, too little sleep, and too many laughs to handle.

After we got to Spencerport and settled into our friend’s apartment with her two adorable cats, it was like we never left the UofT Grad House living room. Even when we went camping the next day and when we sat around the campfire at Keuka Lake, it was like we were still lounging around on the orange pleather couches surrounded by  Grad House’s concrete walls. Even when we visited multiple wineries surrounding Keuka Lake and Canandaigua Lake on Sunday afternoon, we surrounded the tasting counters like they were the kitchens at the dorms.

We gossiped about people. We drank our homemade wine. We settled into our conversations with such ease that you could easily say what you felt.

Now that most of us have graduated from grad school and live in different places, a lot has changed. We don’t live just one floor up or few doors down from each other. The effort it takes to plan get-togethers is overwhelming at times. We don’t have the flexibility of our school schedules to be able to travel on a whim or meet up earlier.

After the end of an obligatory time that throws people together with others, such as a school term or a program, what happens? What sets apart friends that stay together and friends that drift away?

What I’ve learned through this trip (that took some legwork to plan) is that friendships take hard work. To be able to settle back into those Grad House vibes meant that we had to work to make it happen. We set up polls, we picked weekends, we scouted places, we dealt with last minute changes, and more. Sometimes I got so frustrated I told myself, “Remind me never to plan something like this.”

During our trip together, we looked out on the Erie Canal, we hiked through the trails at the Keuka Lake campground, and we drove through the winding New York state highways. I realized in those moments that if you don’t put any effort into maintaining those relationships, you won’t be able to fully enjoy the experiences. It was because of our close connections that allowed us to really appreciate our surroundings and enrich our activities.

I’m already thinking about other adventures this summer. Looking ahead, I want to nurture my relationships through hard work and not get discouraged when plans change. Here’s to a summer of friendships!

Summer Camping on a Farm: Learning to Do Nothing

I needed time to breathe. With my vacation days delegated to Christmas holidays, wedding planning, and the wedding itself, I found myself working through the summer with no breaks in sight. Half of the time, the office felt like a graveyard with so many coworkers driving to cottages, lounging in the Caribbean, or taking staycations. For me, the summer was looking like it would be bleak and endless.

What I missed most from growing up in Alberta was the proximity to the Rockies and the ease at which we could take weekend camping trips. When I was in undergrad, my friends and I would message each other, “hey, do you want to go camping this weekend?” A few days later, we would all be squished into someone’s car, with our sleeping bags on our laps, a cooler filled with BBQ necessities and beer, someone’s summer hits playlist blaring on the car speakers, and our boots on for hiking. One year, even a snowed-covered campground in May didn’t stop us from using a tiny shovel from an emergency kit to clear the site for our tent. The warmth of a campfire and the smell of rotating sausages always drew me back to those times with ease.

When an email popped into my inbox the other day, I couldn’t help but click on the title. It was for a Midsummer’s Eve event at Hart House Farm, a rural property owned by the University of Toronto’s student activity centre, Hart House. My fiance Petar and I have gone a few times on their day trips: one was about maple syrup tapping/processing, and one was about pressing for apple cider. This Midsummer’s Eve event was different because we would be able to pitch a tent on the field surrounding the farmhouse – camping!

Pretty soon, Petar and I were on the bus toward the farm with our gear (a $50 tent from Kijiji, foam mats and sleeping bags from Canadian Tire, our backpacks, and his camera).  When we got there, we immediately set up our tent and was awarded with a BBQ lunch. All three meals were made by the farm committee with farm-to-table ingredients, which meant that the food was fresh and delicious. Also, we didn’t have to bring coolers, condiments, utensils, etc. There weren’t any specific activities, so we spent the day hiking on the trails, dipping our feet in ponds, reading our respective books, and catching up on sleep. At night, there was a free concert on the outdoor stage and s’mores roasted on the roaring campfire.

Lying on the grass looking over the farm with my finished book at my side, I realized that this was exactly what I needed. A longer trip doesn’t always allow me to get what’s needed, especially if we’re going on some epic adventure. I’m thinking back to my week long trip to Boston and New York last year around the same time, where it was a whirlwind of tours and attractions, one after the other like rapid fire. The planner in me, who wants to see as much as possible in the time that’s given and with the most value, can’t ever let go of the itinerary to just relax and do nothing. 

Leaving the farm, I made the decision to pack my weekends this summer with activities. Why am I filling up my weekends if I just said I needed to “do nothing?” It’s always inevitable that someone will invite us somewhere, we’ll invite people somewhere, or some festival will come up that’s irresistible, but I’ve decided that I won’t put my planner hat on. I’m going to seek out activities that I can just book without creating by-the-minute schedules of what we’re going to do. I’m going to go on these short weekend excursions with a freedom to just enjoy what’s around me without being anxious that we’re not reaching every potential. With this new mindset, I hope to develop new habits, to read more, and to feel rejuvenated.

It’s turning out to be a “do nothing” summer, but I bet it’s going to be one of the best.